by Angela Moore | Jul 12, 2022 | Cliffside Park High School
I was only a freshman when everything happened. I was content going to school. I enjoyed life, and I was a very outgoing person. Then COVID hit. They told us we would be going back to school after two weeks. I was actually happy about it, thinking that it was going to give me a break from school and the opportunity to experience something new. I used quarantine as an opportunity to learn new things such as cooking and doing makeovers. I discovered a whole lot about myself and learned to build my confidence.
After a few months when summer came around, I began to go outside again. I started off taking walks with my friend and learned to skateboard. Still, I was mindful of whom I surrounded myself with due to the global circumstances. Many of my favorite spots were often closed or would not allow people inside. Whenever I removed my mask for even two seconds to drink water, it somehow felt like a privilege for me as well as a sin if I was surrounded by people. Sneezing and coughing were even worse. People would look at me as if I had committed some type of federal crime. Although I was grateful for finally being outside, I often thought to myself how much I missed how things used to be.
I would often create scenarios about what returning to school would be like. Remote learning was something I was already familiar with so I was not too concerned about going back to online schooling, but remote learning began to feel more overwhelming by the day. I was losing my sense of reality, and I was more and more out of tune with myself as the days went by. Although I found myself slowly losing interest in school and the things I normally enjoyed, I did the best I could do to pass the year. School was finally over and I felt my life slightly getting better. I spent most of that summer hanging out with my friends, and doing what I loved. When I was alone, I spent my time sleeping the day away.
When it was announced that we were going back to school, I felt a new sense of hope. I was excited to start fresh and have the opportunity to live a normal life again. I was happy to share those moments with my loved ones. I had not felt pure joy and hope for so long that when I did, I would “overreact.” My excitement and my happiness brought out the inner child in me, especially around those I loved. I was only a freshman when it happened, but COVID helped me accept the joyous kid inside of me.
by Angela Moore | Jun 7, 2022 | Leonia High School
The date is January 19, 2020. The popular kids were in class making jokes, passing notes, and fooling around as the teacher taught math. The studious, nerdy kids sat stiffly in their chairs with their pens and pencils taking notes. The anti-social kids laid their heads down on their desks showing no sign of life. I sat in the middle row towards the back of the class with a few friends fooling around and occasionally paying attention to the teacher. Word of a new virus was spreading like wildfire worldwide and rumors were going around the school. “I heard a Chinese man ate bat soup and started the virus,” said Jonathon, grinning. Jonathon always made inappropriate jokes that no one found funny except his two friends who would always laugh hysterically at whatever he said. It was just another normal school day. School was boring, school was repetitive, school was unchanging.
The date is May 24, 2020. Virtual school had started as the virus was spreading worldwide. “Alright class, I know you guys are still getting situated to this new system we have in place so I will not be assigning homework today. Have a good weekend you guys,” Mr. Howard said as he ended the Zoom meet. The transition from in-school to virtual was a simple one for me. Teachers told us that we were now taking classes on either Google Meet or Zoom. “Alright let’s play some games boys,” I said to my friends as soon as “class” ended. We played for hours with no track of time; that day and many more to come. I was free of the stress from tests, quizzes, projects, and homework. Everything was great, I thought to myself, I never want to go back to school.
The date is August 14, 2020. The virus was declared a global pandemic by the CDC and people are told to stay home. This virus, once overlooked by me and many others, was now what our life revolved around. I couldn’t meet my friends. I couldn’t go play basketball. I couldn’t go to restaurants. I couldn’t do anything, other than go on my computer, stare at my screen eating the same old chips and playing the same old video games. The games I once loved to play all day long were no longer fun. The friends I once loved to call all day were gone. Life felt like a simulation. Every day was the same and I felt like I could not do anything about it.
The date is November 11, 2020. I hoped that with the start of online school something would change for the better. Nothing changed. In fact, it got worse. Virtual school only added more stress in my life. As both students and teachers adapted to this once unfamiliar system, teachers gave more work, tests, and projects. I felt hopeless. I felt like giving up. Thoughts of my friends were popping up in my head.
The date is September 15, 2021. “So how have you been Jayden?,” Jonathan asked me. “I have been just fine Jonathan. How about you?,” I replied. “Definitely better than you,” Jonathan said jokingly. Jonathan’s two friends laughed. I laughed and so did my friends. The popular kids were talking amongst themselves making jokes. The studious, nerdy kids sat as stiff as rocks in their chairs, somehow taking notes while the teacher taught. The anti-social kids sat in the corners of the room with their heads down looking somehow more dead than before. It was just another normal school day. School was boring, school was repetitive, school was unchanging.
School was always like this.
School should stay like this.
by Angela Moore | Jun 7, 2022 | Leonia High School
Before COVID, I had distractions to keep me from focusing on my worries and insecurities. But once quarantine started, I began focusing on my body and my weight. I felt extremely stuck, as I couldn’t talk to my friends from school that were going through these body changes at the same time as me. Meanwhile, with nothing but endless time, I would scroll through social media looking at the fitness influencers and Instagram models that had perfect skinny, long legs. I had a body shaped like a door. I set a new quarantine goal to improve my physique.
Soon, I was going on two runs a day, while also looking up multiple ab workouts on Youtube seven days a week. One day in mid-April, I was standing on the scale and I looked down to see it flash 109. Three pounds in one week! I stood proudly in the mirror, admiring the slightly visible abs that I had been working for. I scrolled through TikTok as I put on my sneakers, preparing for my morning run. My “for you” page was filled with teenagers with pencils for legs. I wanted to look like them so badly. I stood in the mirror choosing pieces of my skin that I would remove if I could, mentally drawing lines on my legs. One thought constantly invaded my mind: “I’m hungry.” I got so used to this thought that by May, the feeling of an empty stomach felt good and rewarding. I went until three o’clock without eating one day! A new personal record! I never saw not eating as a bad thing, but I was getting one step closer to looking like the girls on Instagram.
By January 2021, I had been isolated for eleven months. Although I had gained back some of the weight that I lost, I had been diagnosed with a condition that made it difficult to continue. On rare occasions, I left my room to try and go on a run in the freezing cold, but I always ended up being too physically weak. My brain just kept telling me to lay in bed and not get up for several days. I practically lived in my pajamas. My baggy clothes were the only thing keeping me from seeing my actual body. I could not stand to see the effects that my condition had on my figure. I had to look away from the mirror every time I changed into a new pair of pajama pants, because if I caught a glimpse of myself, I would just go back to bed.
Socializing improved my mentality so much. Rather than sitting in my room, feeling sorry for myself, I went out with my friends almost every day after practice. I decided to eat when I was hungry, and to eat what I wanted. When I’d look in the mirror, I’d feel proud because I was exercising to improve my mindset, not change my body. I wasn’t insecure when I would bloat after eating a meal because I realized that body size changes are completely normal. I didn’t try to squeeze myself into a size zero to make myself feel better, or throw on my dad’s sweatshirt to hide my body. I bought clothes that actually fit and emphasized the body that I had tried to change and hide for the past two years.
When I went back to school, I began to forget about all of my past insecurities. I was getting actual interaction with people rather than looking at fake bodies on Instagram. I didn’t have time anymore to stare at myself in the mirror and determine my self-worth based on how visible my abs were. It felt so freeing to actually enjoy exercising for the first time, and to allow myself to just eat what I wanted.
Being locked up with myself and my thoughts was so incredibly exhausting. Exercising with friends was just the relaxation I needed.
by Angela Moore | Jun 7, 2022 | Cliffside Park High School
They said that we were going to be in virtual school. I’ve never heard the word “virtual.” I asked a teacher and she started to explain to me that we were going to be learning from home with computers or phones. I never knew that we could learn from home. I was so confused.
Virtual means something that is nearly or almost what it describes. That means it was almost school. But not really.
After two years of “virtual” school now it all makes sense.
by Angela Moore | Mar 23, 2022 | Cliffside Park High School
Right before COVID, my family got bigger because my nieces moved in with me, my brothers, and my sister because their mom was murdered at the hands of her boyfriend. At the beginning I was selfishly sad and upset because I didn’t want them to take things from me that I liked to do, but as COVID-19 came along I knew I needed them by my side. My family got bigger. Everybody was lucky because they came before they shut everything down.
It was sad seeing my family without their mom around – their birthdays would come and there was no present from their mom. I don’t have my mom with me either but thanks to god she is still alive. That is nothing compared to what happened to them.
My family is bigger and now I love my family.
We had problems but that doesn’t matter. What matters is that during COVID my family got bigger.
How lucky are we?
